October 7, 2015
Open Your Eyes

by Ashley Rude

I make dinner for my mom, seeming how I love to cook. One day I learned that my mom was sick, so I made dinner for her. Chicken noodle soup, water, and a piece of bread to go with her soup. I heard a knock at the door to find my boyfriend standing there with flowers. Logan.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had an important meeting with your mom. Isn’t that kind of important?” I ask and hug him, glad he’s here.

“I heard your mom was sick and you’re alone tonight. It didn’t seem right to me. How is she?” he asked. My mom didn’t have long to go, the doctors caught it too late. Logan and his mom were kind of fighting and his mom wanted to talk to him.

“She’s still alive. I just don’t see how they didn’t catch this. Wouldn’t have something come up in her tests?” I ask and he hugs me tighter.

“I know it’s not fair. Besides, the doctors you’re with don’t really know when something is important until it’s too late anyway.”

“Logan, they did what they could for me. I don’t care if I have cancer, there is a cure for it. What my mom has is something completely different. There is no cure for her and she’s dying. All I keep thinking is where is my dad?” I ask and he rests his head on mine.

“I don’t think you need to worry about him. He left you, Anna. He is rotten for doing it.” he says and I breathe.

“Do you want to see her? Is that why you’re here?” I asked and he nods.

“If that’s okay,” he says and I go to her room. My mom has brown hair and freckles along her cheeks.

“Mom, Logan is here. He wants to say hi.” I say and nothing happens. I go to her and shake her just a little bit. No response. I start to panic.

“Mom!” I yell and I hear Logan’s feet coming down the hall. Please open your eyes, mom. I need you to open your eyes. I need you, please! I think and nothing happens. My mom.

“Anna, I need you to call 911. Do it now.” Logan says and I do.

The ambulance comes but they can’t revive her. They say that she died in her sleep. She was fine when I gave her her dinner. Logan hasn’t left my side yet and when those words come from the paramedic’s mouth, I completely shut down. My mom was dead. I could not wrap my head around this. Who was going to go to my graduation ceremony now? Everyone I know is gone in another state and I don’t want to leave. The only person I have left is Logan. If I had just sat with her as she ate, maybe, just maybe there could have been a chance for her.

“Anna, come with me. Please.” Logan says as if he’d have to beg. I look at him and he’s all blurred.

“What happens now?” I ask and he shakes his head.

“Right now, I have to get you home. From there, we’ll figure this out. I promise.” he says with tears in his eyes. My mom died June 1, 2005. Logan hasn’t left my side and he’s always kept his promise. I am graduated and now a writer with two beautiful kids. One of them is seven and the other one is ten. Logan has been great to both me, the kids and the people I talk to. I have also beat my cancer, the chemotherapy knocked it out easily enough. The only pain I had left was the gap of absence. Sometimes it’s hard and the grief wants to swallow me whole, but all I have to do is open my eyes and breathe.